It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
