Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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