look no pants
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize