That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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