he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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