so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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