I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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