half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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