It's like God shit irony all over that family
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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