I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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