She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
In America we eat man semen.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Im part way to drunk.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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