just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
