What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
