I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
