Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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