babies were throwing up all over the place
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
