we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
We need to get me chipped asap
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