maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
