I cockslap morals
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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