So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize