my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
where am i from again
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
