dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
