we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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