I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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