I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
