there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
A bitchslap is in order.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
