Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
