Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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