Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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