i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
