That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
