I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize