Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize