..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Acid is not a monday night drug
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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