fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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