Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize