I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My penis needs a shock collar
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
