I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
