checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
