I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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