Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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