I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
high people should be assigned attendants
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
