Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I pour the whiskey from now on
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
