It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
