i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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