all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
