Cold hands, warm shart.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
