I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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