yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize