Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
