whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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