There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
