the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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