Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Randomize
