I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
