I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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