i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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