3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
