he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
