I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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