I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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