Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
