and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
