did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize