Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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