Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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