i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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