Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
