Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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