ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
