Who did Billy Mays play for?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
