Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
