Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
