Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
They have beer where we have blood.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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