I am midnight drunk by noon
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
